Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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