i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
