Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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