So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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