But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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