Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
