Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
BRING THE BAGELS
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
