ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
