A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
