yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
