Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
