Kiss
Puke
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
