so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I touched a dick in church today
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