is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
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