Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
