Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
