I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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