I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
