is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
