Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I want to fling myself into the sun
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
