Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i would punch a child for taco bell
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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