laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
