You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
