I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
