I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
