Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
