There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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