I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
