Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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