hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
