I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
