i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
