I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
