Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Randomize
