Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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