did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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