Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
