Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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