at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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