and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I cut my penus on the lid.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
