Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
