If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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