she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
