If i come over, it means nothing
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
