Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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