DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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