yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Randomize
