i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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