please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
