Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I want a musical about memes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
