You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Randomize
