I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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