I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
