He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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