it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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